You Can’t Go

“Who is your son’s father?” I inquired, hoping to unravel more about Freya's past. She merely shook her head, replying, “I’d rather not discuss that.” Despite her reluctance, I pressed on, “You can trust me. I won’t tell a soul. I just want to help you feel better.” Sighing, she conceded, “It’s not exactly a secret. Many already know. But I don’t want it to alter your perception of me.” I frowned, countering, “Do you think I would judge you? No matter what, you’re still a queen in my eyes.” She offered me a sad smile, “I know, you're too kind. You still address me as queen, despite my requests not to.” I shrugged, “Perhaps it has become a habit. I apologize.”

Her demeanor softened, reminiscent of our first day of training as we journeyed to the arena. In a soft voice, she began to share her story. “I lost him shortly after Vesper was born. He vanished one day, never to return. Despite sending out search parties, all that was found were charred bones, reportedly from a dragon. I couldn’t even recognize him. Since then, I’ve been alone.” My heart ached for her, and I responded, “That’s terrible. I’m sorry for your loss. How did Vesper handle it?” She shrugged, “He never seemed to care. Even upon learning his father was deceased, not merely missing, he had no reaction. He simply continued with his life. He’s as much of a screw-up as his mother.” I protested, “Don’t say that. You’re both strong, brave, and smart. I'm here for you until they come for me. Until then, I'll do anything to help you."

Suddenly, her expression shifted to one of alarm. “How long have you been here?” she asked. I blinked, “I believe it’s been a couple of weeks.” She gasped, “They should have arrived by now!” Fear surged through me, “Don’t worry, they might have been delayed. The weather has been bad in the south.” She shook her head, “No, that’s no excuse. They should have made it, or at least sent a message. Or we should have heard directly from Aura in the palace.” Confused, I asked, “What do you mean?” She took my hand, leading me through the palace's labyrinthine corridors, running so fast I had to fly to keep up. We finally stopped at a room resembling an office, filled with papers. She frantically rifled through them. I asked, “What are you looking for?” She replied, “A message from Aura. There must be one.” I asked, “How can you be sure?” She explained, “She always sends one when she receives our messengers. It has to be here.” I offered, “Okay, I’ll help you find it. How will we recognize it among these other papers?” She instructed, “It’s usually on paper with red and pink borders. Like this one.” She showed me an example, a letter confirming a peace treaty between cities. I was curious, but she snapped, “Stop wasting time! Search!” I nodded, “Right, sorry. Let’s look.”

After an hour of rummaging, I conceded, “There’s nothing here. Please, let it go.” She continued to sift through the same pile of messages, hoping to find something new. Then, she stopped, “The messenger never arrived.” I knew that wasn’t true because Akira had told me otherwise. “I’m sure he did. Maybe Aura just didn’t write anything this time?” I suggested. She shook her head vehemently, “She always writes something. She never misses a chance.” She handed me the most recent message from Aura. “Look at this. When did you send the last messenger to the Kingdom of Aura? When did he return? This is a month old. How often do you usually exchange messages?” She responded, “Every couple of weeks or so. Once a messenger returns, we send them back after a few days.” I pointed out, “Then there should be a newer message than this one. Following the schedule you just mentioned.” She snatched it back, scanning it quickly. “I remember this one. The messenger delivered it to me personally.” I suggested, “Then maybe she’s changed her way of communicating?” She retorted, “The messenger should have been back by now. It’s taking too long.” The discussion was going nowhere, so I offered, “You told me it takes about a week for your Wind Dragons to get to the city. And another week to come back. Maybe they had delays or complications.” She found a report and handed it to me. “Look at this! You’ve been here longer than you thought.” I glanced at it. It had my arrival date, and indeed, I had lost track of time. I had been here for a month already, which was a lot. I felt a surge of worry. It had been a while since I heard Akira's voice in my head, calling me or telling me anything. I wondered if something was amiss on the other side. But I also knew that Sol and Cyrus should have arrived by now. I admitted, “Damn, I didn’t realize how much time had passed.” She snapped back, “You think?! Neither did I!” I tried to calm her down while suppressing my own anxiety, “Okay, listen, there must be an explanation for this. Don’t panic. Maybe we can send another messenger, or I can go back myself.” She shot back, “We don’t have another one who knows the way to the Kingdom of Aura!” Surprised, I suggested, “Don’t you have a map or something? I can read maps.” She replied, “The maps showing the kingdom are inaccurate and outdated. You wouldn’t be able to follow them. And I’m not sending you on a potential suicide mission. I don’t want you to get lost in this vast world.” I asked, “Fine, then what do you suggest we do?” She was silent, seemingly out of ideas. I proposed, “I have another idea. What if I look for someone here in the city who might know the way there? I’ve seen merchants coming and going, claiming they have goods from the Kingdom of Aura.” She dismissed the idea, “Merchants are not trustworthy, and I wouldn’t rely on anyone here for such a journey.” I said, “Maybe they could just give me directions, and I could take notes and follow them.” She was adamant, “That’s impossible. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get to a place you’ve never been before with just vague instructions? It’s impossible.” I had to concede. She was right. It was too risky and uncertain. I thought there was no harm in asking for help from someone who knew the area better than us, maybe even offering a reward for their guidance, but no, she wouldn’t agree to that either. She wanted me there, safe with her.